Wednesday, 3 May 2017

My Life as a Blog

Life, according to me, is a name of diverse and endless experiences...  They may be good and bad too.  These experiences teach us many lessons.  As I've written in my previous blog, I've lost a number of things in the past year which have brought me down in many ways.  I didn't want to mention them because I thought, it's not necessary as everyone can understand the feelings after losing something so important in life but the question is, how to help yourself after losing something once so cherished in life and how to face all the bitter situations with courage and strength after losing it?!  I think, this is something so, so important to understand in life!  Life's a series of good and bad experiences.  Every person goes through hard times at some point in his life and at that time, one needs to be strong enough to face all the tough times with courage, bravery & strength!  I know, it's very easy to say so, I've also been in one of the darkest stages of my life and despite of all of my attempts to stay positive and strong, despite of all the encouragements, inspirational quotations and positive affirmations that I keep on repeating to myself, I feel so exhausted, tired and worthless sometimes that I no longer believe the importance of all these things.  I stop trying and I tell myself that nothing I do to help myself, is ever going to work out and help me.  That's what usually happens when I feel extremely disappointed and depressed, but I really can't deny the fact that after sometime, when I feel a bit better, I am the one who gets inspired by them again!  I am the one who tells myself that I should try another time.  I am the one who says that it's okay to cry, it's okay to shout, it's okay to scream and it's also okay to feel down for sometime... but it's never okay to give up hope!  And then, I am the one who reads those motivational books and quotations and watches and listens to those inspirational videos again which eventually make me find myself getting inspired, encouraged and uplifted by them again...   After sometime, I believe in the power of trying again, again.  Those words, quotations, affirmations, inspirational blogs & videos motivate me for another time and make me realize my worth.  They make me realize that I can do better.  They make me realize that everything happens for a reason and my past experiences are only supposed to make me brave and strong.  They push away all the darkness that surrounds me and help me remember that I am a lot stronger today.  Their impact may stay with me for sometime but at least, they stop me from giving up and help me remember that I am a lot stronger than the person that I was in my past...  They make me think that all these mountains that I have been carrying for such a long time, I am only supposed to climb!  I am meant to climb the mountains that I have been carrying!  And so they stop me from giving up and urge me to get up and stay strong.  I usually forget that I am a lot stronger than all the critics in my life when I'm just extremely hurt, depressed and disappointed, but all these activities that I try to help myself remind that to me.  They make me believe in myself!  And hence, they prove me wrong whenever I try to deny their importance and the importance of 'trying' because of being fed up, exhausted and tired.  They remind me that THEY MATTER.  They really do!  And I realize that I should not be ashamed of starting over and trying to help myself for another time.  I realize that I should not be hard on myself for failing to believe in myself and all such things when I get extremely upset and depressed.  I should be happy and satisfied for trying to believe in them and help myself again...  I should be satisfied for being courageous enough to try for another time despite of all the hard times that I have been enduring for such a long time...  And I should be proud of myself for trying over and over again and not thinking of giving up!  Anyone going through such situation should be... !  This reminds me of these quotes by Michael Jordan:
Don't be afraid to fail.  Be afraid not to try.
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
I can accept failure, everyone fails at something.  But I can't accept not trying.
And so I realize, continuing to try is just so important!  It's so important to try again and again in order to get something or to get rid of it.  For me, 'depression' can only be cured by trying and not just by trying, but trying over and over and over again.  If you are depressed, then YOU, & JUST YOU are the one who can help you to treat and cure it!  YOU are the 'only' one who can help you to get rid of it.  It does not just happen by magic.  You may read inspirational books, you may watch hundreds of motivational videos, you may listen to many of inspirational lectures and you may hang picture quotes all over the walls of your room, but nothing will work out unless you try and unless you change yourself.  I have been through this and this is what I've personally felt and experienced.  Only I know how hard I have been trying...  I still am...  And I have known, that if I feel comparatively better today, then it's only because of the fact that I kept on trying...  I kept on practicing and trying different things & ways to help myself...  There were the times when I just felt so tired and so exhausted to even think that these things will work out for me...  There absolutely were!  But the thing is, I just persisted and tried anyway...  This has been very very tough and hard but I've 'still' been enduring this all.  I have been trying, trying and just trying... !!!  And according to me, according to my personal experience, this is the only way to get rid of it.  You will be failed, not just once, but almost at all of your attempts but at the end, it's just that single attempt that will actually count...  The attempt of not giving up!  The attempt of trying despite of being failed over and over again!  And honestly, this is the only reason that I think, is responsible for why I feel a bit better than before today!  You just have to believe in yourself!  You just have to do it no matter how absurd it seems to you.  You have to say, 'this will work out', even if it does not.  You have to say you'll get through it, if not today, then surely one day!  And I really hope, this will help you.  This helped me...  This worked out for me...  This has been... !  You can go on and do everything that you want to do in your life by fighting and overcoming all the illusions that reside inside your mind.  I have realized that, giving up, beating myself up, complaining and shouting and crying and saying, 'why only me?' can 'never' be the solution to my problems!  It only makes the things more worse than they actually are!  So, why do this to myself?!  There are some people who love me and are really sincere and kind to me, they try to understand me too, but I think, this is a fact that they just can't feel and understand my pain the way I do, no matter how hard I try or they do because I'm the one who's been feeling and enduring it and not they!  Experience is the best teacher!  It really is!  I have found this line so true!  This is a fact that you can't completely understand a situation unless you are in it or unless you personally experience it.  So, I stopped complaining and blaming the ones who love me and the ones whom I love, for not understanding me, the very moment I realized this.  It's not their fault if they can't understand my situation but yes, it is...  It is their fault if they underestimate and mock my pain and become my critic even when they have never personally experienced the situation in which I have been...  So, in such case, I prefer to ignore them.  I prefer to ignore them for what they say.  I prefer to ignore anyone who tries to judge me for something that he has never personally experienced.  You should never give even a little importance to that person's opinion of you, who doesn't 'know' you personally.  I always try to do this whenever I come across such people.  I try to give importance to only those few persons' opinion of me, who I think, know me personally to some extent...  So, as I'm the only one who understands myself completely and the challenges that I have to face all the time, therefore I think, I must be kind to myself!  I'm the only one who can change my way of thinking and facing all the challenges that I've been given & only I am capable of turning my can'ts into cans!  That's why, I shouldn't be hard on myself!  Rather I must be courageous, I must be brave and I must be strong!  I must carry on and do all those things that I am supposed to do and that will make me feel proud of myself in future.  In shaa Allah!

Thank you very much for reading!  I hope you liked it.


Wednesday, 23 March 2016

My Life as a Blog

My life has been a series of unfortunate events for me...  It has always been very surprising for me.  At every stage, it brings new challenges, new problems & new obstacles for me.  It tests my courage and patience.  It tests if I have some amount of courage left in me even after passing through a series of complicated situations.  It checks if I have the capacity to tolerate the problems & it checks this all by giving me another problem or setting me another challenge.

There was a time when I was unaware of all the blessings which I had in my life.  I was always in search of something new and exciting.  I'm not saying that I was ungrateful for all that I had that time.  I was just unaware of their importance.  I never knew what I had until I lost it.  People say, "You don't know what you have got until it's gone.  The truth is, you know what you have, you just never think that you'll lose it.''

Same is the situation with me.  I had never thought that I'd lose my biggest powers.  Now, as I've come to know about their true importance in my life; I really wish, I could get them all back!
I've lost a crucial part of me.  I know this is the basic reason behind all of my problems, worries & issues that I'm facing these days.  I've lost so much that I've loved and that is the major cause of my sadness and disappointment.  I have been going through one of the most difficult & darkest stages of my life.  I have been enduring the worst times of my life alone, all alone!

Now, my life is a continuous and constant struggle for me against everything that is dragging me down.  I am disappointed but there is still something inside of me that stops me from from being discouraged.  There is a voice inside of me that whispers to me all the time and urges me to remember my purpose.  It encourages me and lifts me up.  I think, that's the reason I'm not giving up yet & also I never will! (In shaa Allah!)

Thanks for reading!

- Areej Fatima